Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Girls Night Out Goes South

There are Blog Friends and there are Non-Blog Friends.

Within the circle of blog friends, there are Tweeters and non-Tweeters.

Within that spectrum of bloggers who tweet are Web 2.0 royals like Gwen Bell and Dave Taylor and Guy Kawasaki and Neenz and the 11 Moms...

And sometimes, the Tweets, royals and regulars alike, throw some parties otherwise known as Live Feeds. One popular Live Feed is the GNO:

Girls Night Out.

Last night was GNO. I was all ready to go. I had my wine. I had my cookie dough. I had my new 8 1/2 screen Dell. But guess what? I was asked to hang out with a bunch of "real" moms in the neighborhood. I was like, "But I'm going to Tweet with a bunch of cool girls that I've never met!" And they were like, "Put that itsy bitsy computer down and come have a glass of wine with real people." And since my Tweet GNO party was not supplying free wine... well... you know how it is...

And everything was really cool. A bunch of girls experiencing marital issues, some separated, some divorced, some in limbo, all with kids that hang out and play together in the alley. And just like in the movies, that one chick shows up just to throw the whole night off course.

I don't know that I would throw her in the pool with all the other Mean Girls. She's more like a wounded fawn. But damn it if she wasn't going to instigate some sort of emotional upheaval and leave me holding the ball going, What? What did I do?

I'm not a Mean Girl. I do, however, have my very strong opinions and I'm effective at speaking my peace. Now, when I share those opinions with you, there's really no effect to the person I anonymously throw under the proverbial bus. You don't know them. You don't live near them. And chances are, you will never think twice about them except maybe in reference to a story you heard once... But if I were to defame a person who lived in your community, within spitting distance of your front door, without giving that person the opportunity to defend them self...

Well, that's just bull shit.

Blondie shows up and, from the moment she opened her mouth, had a negative remark for each of us. But not like the obvious zingers. No, these were wrapped in a tiny blanket of innocent smiles and empty compliments. She pointed out the scuffs in the floor of the home of the gal next door. She remarked that the wine being served was the kind her alcoholic mom would drink because she didn't care about quality, she just wanted quantity. Then, she made a gal cry because she called down to the boyfriend something that was said just between the girls. I was like, WHAT? Did she really just do all that?

Change the subject... change the subject... TWEET... change the subject.

She had little barbs for everyone, but I think we were all just happy to have a bit of wine and some friendly conversation with the other girls. I, unfortunately, am an obsessive observer and could not help but hear the hurtful words. And then, in her big mistake of the night,

she turned on me...

I met her toe to toe and she just kept on coming... with a sweet little smile... all innocent in her insecurity. And that was fine... except that I was getting tired and annoyed. She kept throwing those insults dressed as compliments. "I just can't imagine having raised two children, why you would go through it all over again. I just admire that. I would never do that again." And then: "I just think getting pedicures is so strange with those women practically enslaved touching you. Don't you feel awful about it?" And my personal favorite: "You're husband seems so much older than you. I don't mean like your father, but like an old guy that would be fun to date."

Oh no she didn't! She did NOT just rattle the cage! Didn't I just do this?

I held my ground and finished all of my sentences clearly and concisely. I got up several times to check on the cookies I was baking for us all. She happily waited for me to come back to start up again. The other girls were just happy bappy having their own conversations and I was like... HELP ME! I told the other girls later that I felt like she had hit Level Ten and I just couldn't hold back any longer. Because she made me do something I never thought I'd do...

I defended a girl I really don't like.

The girl I defended lives right across the way. She seems sweet and conscientious and whatever... but she's kind of snotty. Still, I smile and wave, or shut my blinds when I don't want to. But I don't go ripping her a new one just because she's pretty, which is what Blondie was doing. I don't rip anyone because of their looks. Their obnoxious behavior? Sure. But even then, I try to do so with them in the picture... like grown ups... except sometimes when I'm feeling pissy... but still. So there this gal was, complaining that the Girl Across the Way was too pretty and skinny for just having her second child right after the first and that it was weird and blah blah blah.

I had to break in and say my peace.

"If you think she's a bitch or if she's done something to offend you, okay, I get it. But you're tearing this girl apart because her parents happened to pass on to her the genes that cause her to look a certain way?" The gal answered with, "Well, it's intimidating!" And just to make sure that everyone knew I was no longer a people pleaser, I said, in my clearest voice,

"That's YOUR problem."

And then she hugged a pillow and cried and I was now playing the part of the Mean Girl. She got up and left and the rest of the gals and I finished our conversation. We had an intelligent discourse and agreed that we all had very valid points and that maybe Blondie was just tired... whatever...

What a Tuesday!

Why is it that these insecure women rub there crap all over you when you're just trying to have a little fun? Why is it that it's okay to tear a girl down because of her beauty? Why is it okay to tear her down at all without her presence so that she might defend herself?

Tomorrow, I plan on leaving them all Hope Notes on their doors. The girls that had to feel the discomfort of the beautifully wrapped barbs will get a nice note about love in the face of challenges. The girl that felt the need to tear someone else apart because of the beauty her parents passed on to her will probably get a verse about Real Beauty that comes from being a compassionate human. And the Girl Across the Way will probably get a plant...

And me? I just remembered that sometimes, the friends you don't see... the friend in your head... the ones that you've never met... they might really be the safest...

Pray for me. I'll be nursing the hangover that comes from drinking far too much jug wine with cooked cookie dough...

...

Twitter GNO was created and is hosted by none other than Carissa of Good and Crazy People. You can follow her at www.twitter.com/rogbark

13 comments:

Astrogirl426 said...

Good for you! I would never have had the balls to stand up to her. And you did it in such a non-Mean Girl way; just calling her out on her shit instead of with sneaky little insults.

You did a good thing. Standing up for that girl was something not a lot of other people would have done, in the face of the MG. It takes real balls to do that. Or lots of wine ;) Either way, it rocks.

Mutha Mae said...

ooh I would have loved to be there to witness that! She cried? Yeah, she's a mess with some problems to work through. Hopefully she'll do that and come around to being a someone who can leave insecurity behind and just enjoy herself and others.

Rachel said...

Who says we don't have wine at GNO?

Dang -- our chat was much less offensive! Glad you stood up for everyone there! (and not there, as the case may be)


Following In My Shoes

Good N Crazy said...

Well I'm sooooo glad it wasn't coming from us after all! Glad you made it back to us! Ha. Real people real wine um...SHOULD trump virtual!

Next time, eh?

Oh and am a little sad that I didn't make your girls who tweet list...since the whole virtual GNO was my baby.

I think my baby has grown up and flown the coop, hunh?

Cassandra Rae said...

Thank you so much blogging about this. The more we get real about our relationships, the easier it will get. I am certainly on a mission to create more connections with women both on-line and off because they meet different needs. I spent a good portion of my life just sleeping with boys because I was afraid of the girls. Well, not anymore. Plus, I'm married :~)

thatcoolbroad said...

Oh. My. God. What a night! I admire you for sticking to your guns...I wish I was more like that.

Blondie...definitely NOT acting like a Cool Broad. But she just needs a little counseling, maybe from a Cool one like you?

xoxo
tcb

Lindsay said...

Love this post! I know that mean girl too. I can put on the "defensive" bitchy girl if I need to, but you gotta do whatcha gotta do. I will be checking back here- love your writing style!

Rock and Roll Mama said...

Go Sugar. Sometimes sneaky bullies don't even notice the negative trap they've dug themselves into. Maybe she'll take a look at herself. or maybe she'll stay the heck away. Either way, it's all good, right? ;)

poopsy said...

Alright, I'm glad you wrote about this, because I wanted to know, based on tweets. But didn't want to look excessively nosy. But good for you for having actual conversation with actual people.

Deb said...

THAT is why you should stick with GNO, twitter style. no excuses next week, okay?

kitrona said...

Oh wow... I admire you for calling her out and doing so in such a classy way! Someday I want to be like that... instead I'm the one who either doesn't say anything, or says the wrong thing (which is why I usually don't say anything) because I'm so angry that people can be so mean and obnoxious.

Naomi said...

Jeez...I'm off the grid for a few days and look what you get yourself into lol.

I'm pretty passive aggressive, just b/c I usually don't care what people have to say enough to be bothered to respond, but get a couple of drinks in me and then attack me or someone I love...forget it. I'm super aggressive, verging on violent.

Good for you standing up that..I'll say bitch, but I was thinking something else...you rock chick a dee.

Becca said...

I want to get in on your next GNO because I am the fat chick and I can stand up for myself!