Thursday, December 20, 2007

What Countdown?

Unlike the rest of humanity, I am not anxiously counting the minutes left to shop and cook and mail and blah-dee-blah-blah. I am enjoying the quiet of the New Mexico mountains, regardless of the grumpy in-laws that come with the view.

This morning, the kids decorated a tree that Grandma Kettle cut from the property. Once our homeschool lessons were completed, they warmed up with some chicken noodle soup and went out to throw snowballs at each other. I stayed in to read. I have been picking up, at every chance possible, Eat Pray Love and acquiring a new appreciation for eastern meditation. Every now and then, I text my husband with some small necessity I forgot. He'll be driving out in a few days to join us with a few gifts and the left-behind items. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I am trying to figure out how to get up to Madrid again... that funky little Marin-like town calls me like a mermaid to a sailor. All in all though, it's a very low key week.

I'm jolted back to the average citizens' realities when I see advertisement on TV with panicky announcements that there are only a few days and hours left to max out our credit cards and put ourselves into fiscal and emotional debt for the love of others. This is also the week that millions will stand in line for hours to mail packages that must arrive before the 25th lest the recipient on the other end only have nineteen forgettable gifts rather than twenty. Meals are being planned for fifty when only nine will be in attendance keeping Overeating at the top of our National Pastimes list.

It's at times like this that I truly appreciate my unconventionality.

I thought about the word so much last week... conventional. Convention. People... lots of people convening. Talking about and agreeing upon an idea... or thing... or ideas about things. All milling about in large echoing hallways shaking hands, smiling and talking loud and excitedly about their mutual purpose. Group think. Does anyone remember the Borg? Yikes.

Hussle and hassle all you want. I think I'm gonna go put my iPod in and go for a jog. It's so nice out. And while I'm jogging, I think I'll pray to my God. I think I'll look around at the beauty of this world and thank him for such a serene week. Oh yeah... and for sending his only begotten son so that I might live a beautiful eternity with Him.


Friday, December 7, 2007

The List

Everyone has one... stashed away in an old box from college, or posted on an anonymous site. I'm talking about a list of things to do before we (dare I say?)... die.

I saw a great list on Confessions of a Perfectionist (go check her out!). Then, last night, I watched a movie trailer for The Bucket List with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. And currently, I'm devouring Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. All around are messages to follow your heart and do the things you've always wanted to do. Got it. So what's the problem? It's not that I can't make a list. I make them ALL the time! It's just that whole checking-it-off thing. Again: What's the problem??? Mostly, I don't want to make those close to me uncomfortable.

What a CoDependent!

The list is filled with stuff that people will probably find odd or too random. It involves travelling alone, writing about family secrets, and mid-life tattoos. Since my new qualifier is "What does CINTHYA want," I thought I'd commit myself to my List. For a career codependent, that's a big deal. The list isn't very long, but it is deep.

The first is a bit boring on the outside. Travelling, hiking, biking the ancient trail used by Indians, Spaniards and traders that winds through the Southwest between Albequerque and LA, The Old Spanish Trail. It’s the route taken by my great-grands many years ago. I discovered it on my last trip to Santa Fe. Little is written about it, though there is an Old Spanish Trail Society. Unfortunately, it has no members or interest of membership anywhere near me. The most recent books published on it came out in 1961. I’ll have some research to do, but I’d prefer to do it on site. An artist friend of mine recently moved to one of the trading posts. Durango, Colorado. I'll hopefully be making a stop there while I'm in Albequerque this holiday season. It's out of the way, and there will be lots of reasons for skipping the trip, but I really want to. I also plan to hike and bike (and photograph) another stop on the trail, Moab, Utah this spring.

Traditions have long ceased in my family. It's sad to have little to hold on to in that arena. Sometimes, I feel like a sail without a boat. I guess I'm hoping to find some of my history for myself and to pass on to my kids so that their hearts don't ache with the same, cold void. I'm freaked and excited to see what this exploration brings about, both in spirit and mind. I'm also wondering if I have the guts to do it... to follow my heart for something I want that has no point other than for my own happiness.

Like I said, for a Co-De... that is a really big deal.