Make Change Happen

Make Change Happen...

That has been the message that I have received loud and clear from all corners of the Universe and from right under my nose. Make change happen. MAKE it happen. Not, hang on a little bit, something's coming, looks like a little change... Nope. The message has been MAKE change happen. Not Make Change, like can you give me four quarters for this dollar because I just saw Ms. Pac Man and dammit if I'm not a wiz on that game, and could you watch my kids 'cause I'm probably gonna be on that thing for a while. Nuh-uh. Make change HAPPEN. Not Happenstance. Happen.

That means it's up to me.

Damn.

Not that I couldn't do it alone, but wouldn't it be fun to Make Change Happen with a little help from my friends? And by that I don't mean for you to cheer me on, though I must say, your cheers have been the wind in my sails for the last several months. What I'd really love to see is a whole bunch of change. A whole bunch of people shedding fears or over-committed calendars or dream stealers. I'd love to see a whole bunch of people changing something. I don't mean like returning your calls that day instead of waiting a week. I mean like setting up a regular dinner night with friends you never see. Or picking up an instrument you always wanted to try. Or defying an old myth of not being good at baking.

I think I just gave away my list.

Damn.

So these are sort of promises that I'm making to myself. Nothing huge. I'm tackling the huge things one day at a time. But the little things... those little things that nag at me reminding me that I too easily break promises to myself. I don't like that feeling. That feeling is the crack in the foundation of all the larger changes. And it's these little changes that will bring more joy into my world. Here are my first five:

#1: Practice the guitar every day. Even twenty minutes. I love the little I've learned. Why not keep going? It's sitting right there in the corner. Go on, Shoog... pick at it!

#2: Shoot something EVERY DAY! I am joining a 365 Project. I'm excited to have this commitment with a larger group. I'm even more excited to make myself find something simple or amazing or amazingly simple every single day for a whole year. Whew... I'm getting butterflies just thinking about it!

#3: Tuesday IS Park/Beach Day. No school. No work. No appointments. The Park or the Beach only. I'm sure this seems like a no brainer, but life gets busy and we forget to give ourselves that bit of time to just enjoy life. And then all of a sudden, we're grumpy... the whole lot of us. Because, you know... if Mama's not happy, nobody's happy! This will also help with the next item on my list.

#4 Surf. I can paddle out pretty far. I could probably paddle to Australia. I can get up on a board in the inside waves. All day. No problem. Between paddling out and the inside waves are the waves you see on TV. That's where real surfing happens. Until I'm in that zone regularly, I can only say that I "swim with a board."

#5: Throw stuff away. I know... we should recycle and not leave a massive footprint. The problem is that most of the stuff I hang on to I have rationalized into being useful, but it really is just trash. I don't know if this is something I picked up from my Depression Era Grandma who kept sugar packets in her purse. I'm pretty sure it was. The other day, I had to throw out salt and pepper packets from my purse. I guess I had them "just in case" I ever came across a restaurant that somehow didn't have S&P at the table. ???

Okay, that's about all for now. There will be more. These are my changes for now. I'm going to start by going to the garage and purging some junk from our lives. YAY!

What about changes elsewhere? What one thing do you want to start doing? Throw it out! Public accountability is the best way to keep a promise to yourself. Trust me!

...

Nie Nie

Hey guys... for the three or four of you that read here regularly, I thought I'd pass this on. There's a gal who has a beutiful family and her name is Nie Nie. She and her husband were in a plane crash recently and were badly burned. Flying around in a light airplane with The Pilot, I can tell you that this has always been in the back of my head so when I heard the story, I immediately started this post. That's my little way of saying... I don't know all the details. So her friends, both real and virtual, are putting on an auction called Nie Nie Day. As with most auctions, it's not about the actual value of the item, but what the winning bid can do for the receiver. If you'd like to participate, go to the following blogs (Check out this list of items!). If you have the means to join the auction, awesome. If you can pass the info on to others... awesomer. You can also go to the button in the sidebar to donate directly.

If nothing else, please read her posts. Her archives are at The Nie Nie Dialogues. Scroll down to the bottom of the sidebar. She seems to be quite a lovely person.

Holy S*it!

I hate it when I chicken out of something and blame it on someone else.

So a few weeks ago, I was at Saddleback Church for something other than the candidates' Q & A with Rick Warren. Ignoring all the TV trucks and buzzing helicopters, I sat and listened to Kay Warren, Rick's wife talk about a subject that I had been discussing with my inner critic for quite some time now. When I got one of the random passes, it was only for that specific time, but rather than feel like I got the fuzzy end of the stick, I had this awesome feeling that there was something at that specific time on that particular day that I needed to hear. As I sat there in the sanctuary, I understood why.

She was talking about the fear of stepping up.

Then she referenced Aztlan from Narnia. May mean nothing to you, but I fully expected her to look right at me. I got that feeling in my chest you get when someone randomly calls you out and makes you come up on stage to answer an awkward question. All from a Lion in some kids' movie? Yep! See, I've been using guided imagery in my daily trials with difficult people since I have a few of them buzzing around at any given moment. The picture in my head that I call to mind is the part where Aztlan (The Lion) belts out a roar and shuts the witch up. She is frightened back into her seat and he goes back to his pose of strength even thought she thinks she has won. That whole roar thing and the witch backing down... that's the visual I use when people start to cross my boundaries. Sorry ahead of time if I ever let out a loud roar when you ever happen to "should" on me. At least you'll know why. Back to Kay... she brings up Aztlan and how Lucy, the curious little girl asks one of the Narnians, "Is he safe?" The answer...

"Safe? No. But he is good."

Kay's point was that sometimes, doing what we're supposed to do may not be safe and may be scary, but we know that we are supposed to go in that direction... and that it will be good, and that God is right there with us. I've been wanting to become a group leader in our recovery team for a while now. That was why I went to the summit that day. The problem is that I didn't think I was good enough to go the next step... to ask. I was paralyzed by the fear that I wasn't ready. I didn't know if I would ever get the courage up to ask. See, once you ask, you are open to rejection. That rejection might sound like criticism to a sensitive ear. And I can be... sensitive. I hate that. A LOT! But supposedly, I'm not concerned about what others think anymore. And there was Kay reminding me that my Lion is good... So why then, did it bother me when the woman (leader) sitting next to me (also listening to Kay speak) got all snarky and said I was merely getting there? Because it tapped into that crummy fear.

"I'm not good enough."

That afternoon, we had the opportunity to nail a note to a cross. Each of us wrote what we were going to leave behind, nailed to wood, never to haunt us again. In next year's program, there will likely be a picture of some crazed woman pounding a nail in as far as it could go eliciting giggles and stares from some bewildered attendees at this summit. No matter how much she resembles me... don't be fooled. That woman was someone who was brave and strong at that moment. The woman typing this post still holds that fear in a little velvet box, wrapped up in a plain brown wrapper, tied with some twine, tucked away in a dark spot, somewhere deep in her heart.

What a pathetic loser.

But then I sat there at church on Sunday, a week and a day later, and heard a message of how many other leaders were afraid. Afraid of not being good enough. Afraid of change. (Woah! Didn't I just post something about that? Creepy...) Now, I don't mean to say that I am equal to Moses or Abraham, but I'm also not being asked to go smack down some big old Pharoah or build a massive nation. Nope. Just being nudged to help out with a small group of women that want to recover from life's hurts. Not a big deal. *big sigh* But I still worry... and I still care a teensy tiny bit about the opinion of others... and I'm still afraid to hear "No, Sugar. You're not good enough."

How many times do you suppose I need to hear that I am good enough? Only one more...

In comes The Pilot this morning, one day after the Fear of Change sermon, coffees in hand. Did you know we have a Starbuck's within walking distance from us? Did you know that sometimes, I'm still tempted to go to the Starbuck's Drive Thru like three miles away? Way to be green, huh? Anyway, today's installation of The Way I See It on the back of the coffee cup was #17. Look it up. I'll wait... Oh, never mind... I'll just show it to you:



Huh! Serendipity comes in 16 oz. coffee containers, too!

Here, I got all worked up about someone else being snarky and allowing that feeling of not being good enough to spill on to me and get me all yucky with their stuff almost to the point of not stepping out and stepping up. And all this time, the truth... (according to Keith Olbermann, but not Starbucks as they clearly state that this is the authors opinion... big chickens) the truth may actually be that they, the dream stealers, the nay-sayers, the grumpies are simply not very smart. Huh! In fact, they may actually be stupid! So you know what? Me and my lion are going to step up and just keep on roaring at all the stupid people in the world.

Even if sometimes, I still get a little scared...

...

Stories are great for encouragement. I'd love to hear stories about overcoming fears, ignoring dream stealers, or eschewing the snarkiness of others.

.

Change

This popped up on Twitter today. "change is amazing. change motivates. scares. inspires. forces growth. requires thought. what other concept rules lives so completely?"

Indeed.

I once heard a fashion-minded psychologist say that people who liked wearing stripes enjoyed change. I loved stripes. What girl in the 80s didn't? And when I was a Power Mama, I loved wearing my pin-striped suits. Always felt in charge! I still enjoy a subtle tone-on-tone stripe for fun. But I do not like change.

Well... maybe I do... I don't know... let me think here...

Okay wait... I changed my mind. I do like change. I don't like radical scary change. Like aliens coming down and rearranging my life so that it no longer resembles the one I was dreaming about before waking up. I don't like when good friends move too far away because their husband changes jobs. I don't like when control freaks change the rules by which the rest of us were just playing nicely. Those are jolting changes. Those are uncomfortable and don't inspire anything.

What about the change that motivates us to grow? That can be scary, too.

Late last year, my husband, The Pilot and I separated. It was ugly. But it was good. Now, we are changing again. Not changing back... but hopefully changing for the better. We are slowly reforming our relationship, setting new rules and standards by which we plan to live. That change is also good. There are some old habits that we are both clinging to. That's where we are going to need outside help. Agreeing to the when and how is our current challenge. The fact that it is being discussed shows that we are changing forward... but that we still need to tread lightly...

You know what? Do you want to hear my Dirty Little Secret? The one I think The Pilot is pretty aware of? I really got used to being alone. I mean, yes, it's hard being a single mom. It's just one challenge after another. And answering questions about the husband is only part of the agony. (Ask my good friend, Naomi about those annoying questions... I'm the Little Voice In Her Head, or something like that...) But in the midst of difficult questions and all the confusion, there were things that I really began to enjoy. Not checking in with someone about a possible schedule conflict. Picking out girly colors for the room. Wearing something pretty just for me. These are all things I'm going to hang on to, regardless of the outcome. I guess being apart reminded me about who this girl named Sugar was. And I began to miss her. And there's a lot of stuff that I'm not willing to lose again.

Being alone also meant that I didn't have to worry about rejection, real or imagined.

The Pilot wasn't always wanting to join me for stuff. I always wondered if... if he would go on a hike with me... if he would schedule time off for special days of the year... if he would want to sit quietly with me as we sipped a cup of coffee read the morning news. I used to get so depressed when my invitations were met with indifference. This time alone made me really look at that unnatural reliance on another person... looking to someone to "complete" me. It hit me hard one day. I remember being up on the most thought clearing hike, thinking, "Now, why is it that I always begged him to come out with me?" I was thoroughly enjoying the quiet time alone. It didn't even bother me when a couple walked past me in the opposite direction. It would have last year. But I realized that although they may have been enjoying the hike together, I was enjoying the solitude... a lot! Then I thought, The Pilot likes fishing... he doesn't think I don't care about him if I don't go with him. Every now and then, we do go out on a boat together and we enjoy it. Most of the time, though, he's like Opey with a pole looking for a fishing hole. He doesn't need me to fish with him. Why did I need him to hike with me? That was a big epiphany for me. Silly, I know... but I can't tell you the relief I felt at that moment, right there on the trail.

So now we are semi-living together. He still keeps his Spare Room rented just in case I need to kick him to the curb. Just in case things don't change in the right direction. Eventually, I suppose he'll either move in and get rid of the Spare Room... or he won't. We'll have to take it... (do I need to say it)

... one day at a time.

...

Monsters

When I was a little girl, I was afraid of the monsters under my bed that were going to reach out and grab my legs before I could jump into bed after turning the lights off. I was afraid to walk out into the hallway to use the bathroom because I always imagined ghosts at the other end. I also thought that the scratch scratch scratching at the window was Big Foot.

I watched way too much TV.

Eventually, those monsters started to fade in comparison to the real monsters that were on TV later in the evenings. The monsters in Iran that had captured fifty-two American civilians and held them hostage for 444 days. The monsters in South Africa taking away their people's rights because of the color of their skin. The monsters in Russia that were threatening us with their nukes.

I watched way too much Nightline when I was a kid.

This week, we had some real live monsters in our neighborhood. One guy was an actor who played a part in the 40 Year Old Virgin. He ran into his girlfriend at the gym just over the hill. Apparently, they chatted for a while before she left to come back home. She was making dinner for her new boyfriend when the actor showed up at her door. He stabbed her twenty times. All evening, we heard sirens going down the street and a helicopter that whisked her away. She lived. But I'm sure those monsters will haunt her for a long time. Another monster is a guy that looks just like everybody else. The only things that set him apart are his love of white shoes with white knee high sport socks and his black backpack. He has threatened many of our neighbors while we are out on our beloved trails. Some neighbors have cautiously followed him in order to give his location to the operators on the phone, but the police can never seem to get here in time. He may be harmless, but he has us all on alert... and scared... and nervous about going out on the trails.

Monsters can just be in our heads. But they can also be very real. Some monsters just need to threaten us to feel empowered. Others will rage and cause harm because of jealousy. And other monsters that seemed to have gone away for a while are all back in the news... threatening us again...

There's this little thing called Election '08 coming up. The only thing I want to know from any of them, national, state, or local is: "How are you going to keep me safe from the monsters?" Because, essentially, that is the basic role of government. Not to legislate what I do with my hands. Not to legislate who I bow to. Not to legislate how I should think and who I should marry and where I should send my kids to school. All they really have to do is keep me and my friends and my neighbors and loved ones safe from monsters.

Is that too much to ask?

So while they are droning on and on about taxes and pumping their fists about change, I hope they have a clear view of the monsters in the world that threaten us here and abroad. I hope they have a good idea on how it is that they are going to keep us safe. Because I want to enjoy Saturday Night Concerts in the Park and dinner with my husband and hiking on my trails...

And I don't want to be afraid of the monsters anymore.

...

Last Saturday Night, Atomic Groove playing at the park for all the funky families


Last night at dinner with The Pilot


This morning...