Posts
All Comments
I cried when I watched this... because this is where my heart is right now... I have a couple of things going on behind the scenes... and those things are very much in the spirit of this video.
What is time worth?
What price would you put on a hug?
How much would you spend on a kind word?
Is there a limit to the amount of money you would spend to feel special in the presence of another person if money were the only collateral?
I know that I am worth so much more than a seat at a bar and empty conversations with strangers. I know that I am of greater value than a a life of restless travel. Maybe not in the moment, but on the greater scale, I know that I am worth a lot more than endless hours in front of football games on any given Sunday.
I know that. I do.
That's why sometimes I get this horrible awful feeling of sadness with my ex's choice. Granted, the life of a bachelor has a lot to offer. I suppose I would choose it too... if only I had never met my children. Or if I had never known the love of a partner who was willing to put up with emotional harm just to love me. Or if that was even within the realm of how I could ever even think. I can't though. So I still don't understand his thought process. I can make myself crazy trying to figure it out.
I was asked out. On a date. By a guy.
Technically, I am still married. Statistically, this is the worst possible time to meet a new person. Obviously, my marriage is over. Thankfully, my new life has begun. I don't know that I can accept this innocent invitation, though. I feel sick just thinking about it. Half excited but knowing full well that this will be it. This will be the nail in the coffin. Which is a coffin filled with a LOT of nails. So, a date. What would it be like? I'm just curious enough to go.
But what if he is a great guy? God, I can't even let myself go there. I'd be like, yeah, you are really cool and it would be great to be your girlfriend, but would you mind terribly if we stop at the courthouse on the way to dinner because I have all these documents that need to be filed... uuuggghhh... Then again, what if I picked another one of the same? I guess I could pretend I was sick or bolt out the bathroom window when he's not looking or better yet, I could just pretend to be really in love with him and ask him what he thinks about selling everything and going off to the country to raise ostriches. My luck, he'd be all Yeah... let's go, Green Acres!
Or... maybe it could just be a nice evening with good conversation and a sweet smile good night. Maybe.
So I still had to make sure that I wasn't being wrong on my path of divorce. I had to check myself one more time when the ex came to switch cars. Something about him is still attractive to me in an astronaut sort of way. But he's obviously enjoying being on his own. That's why you don't marry life long bachelors. You will never be pretty enough, smart enough, or funny enough to overcome any of that freedom. How funny... I'm actually enjoying my freedom. But for different reasons. Why then would I give it up? On a whim, really? Or just a test? I think it's a woman thing, wanting the best for everyone. That's the trap of codependence. The opposite being spiritual and emotional freedom. I think our freedom costs more because of that... the "everyone else" part.
I wonder what the price of freedom will be for me.
...
Part of healing and recovery is replacing old Belief Systems (BS) with new empowering beliefs. Easier said than done. Definitely nothing that comes overnight. But it is possible, and so I move ahead.
This morning was spent in the presence of a group of wonderful women, all in a room to promote their own businesses and to partner with each other for the good of everyone. We chatted over coffee and learned about our past month and goals for the coming month. That was Part I of our meeting.
Part 2 was very special. Our speaker was Claudia Jean, self proclaimed Queen of Self-Esteem! She began by talking about aging and how the alternative is "you not being here to share and to bless others." That quieted me quickly. If I don't want to age, then I have to give up my place here... and all the fun that comes along with it. Simple truth... yes. But how often do we look in the mirror and sigh unhappily about the state of gravity on our parts? She asked us to pretend we were ourselves in the future, take a look back at our image today and then say (from the future), "Damn! You looked good back then!" 'Cause back then... that's what's happening right now. She also said something very simple yet true: "The fact that I showed up means that I am good enough!" But she admitted, just knowing you are good enough doesn't mean that you will feel it, too. We talked a little more about loading back up with good and positive beliefs.
Enter MY guest this morning, Lorretta Shughrue. Lorretta is a hypnotherapist who, aside from having her own therapy practice, offers over-night rejuvination CDs that unlock the yuck that we say to ourselves throughout the day, sends it on it's way, and refills our subconscious with positive affirmations. She gave us a sampling by ending our meeting with an affirming breathing exercise reminding us that we are wonderful, beautiful creatures. The word I took away from that exercise was "magnificent." Later that morning, I thought, "this must be how a princess feels!" Wonderful. Beautiful. Magnificent.
In emptying out the old BS, I am actively replacing new thoughts. I used to feel like How much worse can it get? Now I feel as if I am on a platform ready to jump off and soar into the sky. All my fears are still there, but they are diminishing and I am getting stronger. This life... this new life of my own making... it's going to be...
MAGNIFICENT!
Claudia Jean's site is currently under construction. She is, however, available by phone at 760/692-0439. She speaks to women's groups from the teen years to those celebrating their seventies and above. In her talks, she will share the three parts of Self Esteem and how to be kinder to the woman in the mirror.
Lorretta Shughrue, DCH has earned a Doctoral Degree in Clinical Hypnotherapy and a Master’s Degree in Counseling. She has a passion for empowering others to reach their personal goals and improve their quality of life. Her practice is Experience Empowerment and can be found at www.expemp.com
Before the wrong impression develops, the dyanmic ladies I lunched with today would probably be perfectly happy in a spa chair getting their toes done. They'd likely be more enthusiastic, however, about profit and loss statements and branding meetings.
Good Ole Gals is a group of women who are all creating the life of their dreams through either their own businesses or as a representative of some big name national company. We met today at a local Winery (no, I only had Iced Tea... darn) over a plate of field greens with dried pears and grilled chicken breast. Total chick meal. Aside from the meal, there was chit-chat and a fun personality quiz, according to which I am not only the life of the party but "volatile." Who, Me?
As our time together wrapped up, I was encouraged and just warmed from the inside out to see women proactively finding ways to work together and succeed together. I almost started singing I Am Woman, except I'm too young to know the words... There were bankers, realtors, a lovely photographer (*ahem*), a small business coach, a background investigator, a retired nurse who will deal with insurance companies for you, a hypnotherapist that unlocks your subconscious and refills it with positive thoughts, a florist, a graphic artist, a recruiter... all kinds of industries were represented at that table. We all have different stories, different strengths, and different personalities. The common thread is the willingness and desire to help another woman follow her passion and find success.
Needless to say, I had a fabulous time. There was a lot of interest in my Mother's Day special, one coffee meeting was set, and another consultation is tentative. And although I know the ultimate goal is to get business for yourself, we were all getting creative about how we could partner together for more abundant results. So great. Such a wonderful turn of days. The sun is shining... the birds are singing... I am woman... yada yada...
I'm still in the afterglow of all that empowerment... I have to go lay down!
