Twitter-Pated

Am I a loser?

My therapist would tell me no. The Pilot would tell me no. I'm pretty sure the ladies at church would put their arms around me with that pitiful look and say no while hoping for some good grist for the gossip prayer group.

I don't think I'm a loser. Am I?

I'm asking myself because during this week of traveling, while enjoying the sites, smells, and sounds of the Oregon and California coast have I been really resentful that I couldn't tweet and drive? I mean, I tried... I did get a few phone tweets in... while the car was stopped, of course. But I couldn't get involved in the conversations. I couldn't respond to all the smart comments about the trainwreck interview or get in on the Letterman situation. I did get some "suspended" tweets in, but then missed the moment that cool little bar at the top was added. I was left with screaming at the radio that was set to one of four satellite stations that was coming in through the Redwoods. I looked around at the beauty of the thousand year old trees and cursed them for blocking transmission. I so wanted to be in on the tweeting and linking and researching laced with some mocking. You know, politics a'la Twitter.

Then there's all the other stuff I've been missing out on...

Quirky moved to Houston. The Writer Mama is launching a new book. Redneck Mommy dyed her hair purple. And then there's all the enlightening links that Guy Kawasaki throws in. Oh, and I just started following the coolest lady, Pistachio.

Okay, so yes, I'm definitely enjoying my trip. Except for being gouged at the pump by a little station in some Twilight Zone town called Minerva. ((Little tip. If you ever come upon an exit pointing to fuel and bathrooms in Minerva... Hold it... there's a cleaner, cheaper, way less Deliverance type stop sixteen miles south. You owe me, big time!)) I'm looking forward to the opening of the California Academy of Sciences museum tomorrow. In about an hour, I'll be biting into THE BEST french toast ever at La Boulange. After that, we'll be heading to the Exploratorium so that I can the kids can play learn. We'll probably spend a little time in our awesome city view suite (Thanks, Pilot!) catching up on school work. It'll be a good day.

But the whole time, I'll be jonesin' for a tweet...

Such a loser.

.

Do you hear that? That low hummm... coming to a feverish crescendo... just before the cymbals start to crash... crash... crash!

It's the sound of parents flocking to all the Big Ass Office stores to score supplies hoping that they will finally, this year, get everything the teachers ask for. It's the sound of all the cars taking off for three and four day weekends trying to savour the last of summer, even though it's not going to get really nice until their kids' butts are stuck to a chair. It's the sound of teachers stapling and hanging and shifting things in the class room for the optimal fung shue environment for learning. It's the sound of JCPenney usurping an 80s classic (still irritated by that) in order to get Gen X parents into their stores for the kids' wardrobes.

It's the Back-To-School buzz!

My BTS'ing is a little different. This weekend, we will be meeting a new Co-Op group that we will likely be joining. A new pink guitar was purchased instead of folders and highlighters. I'm mapping out the best route for our Moab to Durango to Mesa Verde loop. I'm scowering CraigsList for a school desk with attached chair while weighing the cost against actual use. I'm pulling out the sketch books and paint supplies, the inflatable globe, the puzzle of the 50 States...

Did I mention I homeschool?

Last fall, I sat on the back stoop of our formerly owned home talking to my husband about the fact that after a year in private Kindergarten, the Wonder Minds of the public school across the street were not going to allow Banana Girl to start first grade because her birthday was two weeks after their cut-off date. Never mind that she knew all her Popcorn words (the 100 words kids need to know to get into 1st grade) within the first five months of kindergarten. Never mind that she was given the Math Monkey award at her end-of-year celebration for being a walking calculator. Never mind that her mom spent the prior ten months working at a contract gig that she didn't really adore (f*ing hated) just to pay the tuition for the private kindergarten because she was told by the previous principal (idiot) that she would be able to start first grade. No... now, they were saying no. Just like that. After all that work.

(EXPLATIVE that rhymes with LUCK!!!!)

We had talked about homeschooling for quite some time, but then my husband got a taste of a two paycheck lifestyle. Homeschooling became a distant thought that we had pushed back behind the plans for building a pool and adding in that outdoor kitchen... don't forget the new floors... what was that? Homeschool? Huh? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the din of my narcissism. We had a very serious discussion about what either path would mean to our family. I was scared. So was he. Choosing to school our own kids would mean great things, but sacrifice. Were we up for that? Could I handle sitting at a kitchen table and teaching my child all that she was supposed to learn at school? And then he reminded me about the incredibly ridiculous homework load that the older two would bring home because the shit didn't get finished at school. The mere memory of it sent me into convulsive fits and before I got the call back from the school across the street (ironically named Hope), I had already signed the Banana Girl up for the California Virtual Academy. "But we can test her into first grade," the principal pleaded, feeling thousands of dollars in state funding slipping through his hands...

A couple of days later, box after box after box came via UPS with everything our little student was going to need. We met other families at Back To School day where we had our pictures taken. I got a Teaching Parent ID card for discounts on school supplies at Target (holler!) and to show the police that the nosey neighbor down the street with all her cats had nothing to worry about. Just kidding. About the police. The target discount is For Real, yo.

Luckily, the curricumlum that CAVA uses is K12. FYI: Several states across the country are using K12 as part of their public school alternatives, slapping their names on it, and calling it worthy of receiving Government dollars. What that means is that our tax dollars come right back to us in the form of a fantastic curriculum (with all the texts, workbooks, computers, art supplies, music CDs, etc. covered by my state taxes, amen!), an awesome on-line system telling me what to do next, a real teacher that I can call if I don't know what to do next, and, my personal favorite, the freedom to explore anything that sparks my kids' minds.

Even armed with all those school supplies and my little ID card, I thought I had made a big mistake. The Biggest Mistake Ever! I was so overwhelmed. But I remembered something a friend had told me... it was going to take at least three months to hit our stride. It took us at least that long, for sure, but eventually, we figured it out and started to have a lot of fun (who knew) learning.

While there are some real sacrifices to homeschooling, there are a lot of great benefits. As I mentioned, we have an on-line school system. That means, wherever there's a connection, there's school. That means that we get to travel throughout the year without having to consult the school district calendar. That also means that our classroom environment can be as dynamic as I choose.

The kids love that!

I know the question that is already forming in your head. You've got it sitting there, tickling the front of your mind, blurring all the other words together so that you can't even see what I'm writing until you get to ask your question... it's the question I always get.

"What about socializing?"

I used to make a point of listing all the sports and dance and play groups that my kids were involved in because I wanted the person I was talking with to feel confident that I was not holding my kids captive in a basement only letting them out for church and the occassional doctor visit. I wanted to assure all the (judgmental) people (moms) that I was, in fact, a good mom. But then I would walk away from our conversations feeling all icky and whorry... I didn't need their approval to know that I was doing the right thing for my kids. Did I ask them about the food they feed their families and then continue the conversation by asking if they fried or baked their chicken, because you know grilling is much healthier and that's what we do and you should too? Did I? And did I point out that their socialized child just pushed that kid over there down the hill, but don't worry about scolding him because right now, you are too busy judging me? Huh?

So now, when I get that question, the one you know you want to ask, but you have way better manners than that, I just turn it back around, just like I was trained to do when stuck in a no-win situation with a client. "Do your kids get the right socialization?" I usually follow their long winded and somewhat defensice answer with an open ended question that gives me a chance to breathe:

"How do you feel about the forty to one class ratio?"

So, I'm not here to sell anyone on homeschooling. I just saw all these people buzzing all over the place and it was starting to get all frenetic so I thought I'd look into it and then all of this just spilled onto my keyboard. I feel like I was standing on a soap box. Maybe because all the complaining is finally just frustrating me. Parents have choices. We do. It's just that some choices come with a little more personal sacrifice than others.

Now, if you'll excuse me, we need to Wiki why we can not make square pancakes. After that, we'll be painting, and then we have a wayward beetle to disect.

...

Geekin' Out!

I'm not a real geek, I only play one on TV.

Oh MY! Can I just say how extremely excited I am about going up to San Francisco for the BlogHer chick fest in July?! It's like I'm getting ready to go to camp or a spa getaway or an Eagles concert.

I. CAN. NOT. WAIT!

Over at Shutter Sisters where most of my heroes dwell, they've got a neat little event organizing. It's a Photo Walk in the afternoon. Here's the thing... if you've ever been to San Francisco, you know how crowded the sidewalks can get with all the natural foot traffic. Add in a good convention and you've just tripled the density. Imagine hundreds of blogger/photographer/hipster chicks on a stroll through the City. Oh boy. I think what I'm going to do is to find out the route and get ahead just to take pictures of all the hoopla.

There's also a little spiff going on through General Motors to get three to five BlogHers per car to carpool in their new hybrid. So now I am eagerly seeking two more like-minded blogger chicks to get in a car with for six to eight hours (depending on traffic and potty breaks) each way. Can I just say how excited I am just for that? WOW! Two other women like me that I have never met before. I can't wait to burn some CDs and chat about our latest reads or photo techniques or dreams. I am hyperventilating! Get me a paper bag!

My poor Sister and City Girl daughter. I have all but set up my sleeping bag on the kitchen floor. They know I'm coming. I think they are just going to pretend they got the dates wrong and not answer the intercom buzz. (((Open. Open. Open.))) Actually, I hope they come with me. I think they'd have a blast. (Did you hear that guys?)

I know it's only going to be a couple of days and I know I probably won't be able to make it to all of my desired classes as they fill up. I know it's going to put me in a pinch at the end of the month, but this is important to me. And I need to do what I want to do for the good of my heart and psyche. And anyway, if I could just get Dooce's autograph, I would float all the way home. No hybrid needed here!

...

The List

Everyone has one... stashed away in an old box from college, or posted on an anonymous site. I'm talking about a list of things to do before we (dare I say?)... die.

I saw a great list on Confessions of a Perfectionist (go check her out!). Then, last night, I watched a movie trailer for The Bucket List with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. And currently, I'm devouring Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. All around are messages to follow your heart and do the things you've always wanted to do. Got it. So what's the problem? It's not that I can't make a list. I make them ALL the time! It's just that whole checking-it-off thing. Again: What's the problem??? Mostly, I don't want to make those close to me uncomfortable.

What a CoDependent!

The list is filled with stuff that people will probably find odd or too random. It involves travelling alone, writing about family secrets, and mid-life tattoos. Since my new qualifier is "What does CINTHYA want," I thought I'd commit myself to my List. For a career codependent, that's a big deal. The list isn't very long, but it is deep.

The first is a bit boring on the outside. Travelling, hiking, biking the ancient trail used by Indians, Spaniards and traders that winds through the Southwest between Albequerque and LA, The Old Spanish Trail. It’s the route taken by my great-grands many years ago. I discovered it on my last trip to Santa Fe. Little is written about it, though there is an Old Spanish Trail Society. Unfortunately, it has no members or interest of membership anywhere near me. The most recent books published on it came out in 1961. I’ll have some research to do, but I’d prefer to do it on site. An artist friend of mine recently moved to one of the trading posts. Durango, Colorado. I'll hopefully be making a stop there while I'm in Albequerque this holiday season. It's out of the way, and there will be lots of reasons for skipping the trip, but I really want to. I also plan to hike and bike (and photograph) another stop on the trail, Moab, Utah this spring.

Traditions have long ceased in my family. It's sad to have little to hold on to in that arena. Sometimes, I feel like a sail without a boat. I guess I'm hoping to find some of my history for myself and to pass on to my kids so that their hearts don't ache with the same, cold void. I'm freaked and excited to see what this exploration brings about, both in spirit and mind. I'm also wondering if I have the guts to do it... to follow my heart for something I want that has no point other than for my own happiness.

Like I said, for a Co-De... that is a really big deal.