Saturday, April 5, 2008

Sense of Self

Do you ever get the feeling that you are moving along in a life that was designed for someone else, by someone else, for some other outcome? Like you're on stage in a play you never auditioned for?

That's what life felt like for me for such a long time. I was really trapped by trappings and by pleasing people that I didn't really care for. I am so aware of that now. It's been an amazing, eye-opening journey... one that still has a long course ahead. I feel like I'm starting to be the person God designed me to be. He gave me some talents and the ability to capitalize on them. I'm not going to regret any of the mistakes or sidetracking jaunts I've taken up until now. I'll just put them in my pocket and keep going down the road. Maybe I'll pull the stories out every now and then... look at them in the sunlight... maybe laugh, maybe cry...

And then what?

What to do with all those little stories. Hmmm.... I suppose I could just sit on them... or keep them in the dark... ignoring the lessons... hiding my embarrassing moments... pretending... but that would just be silly. I suppose I need to fill in some blanks. Like a Mad Lib of purpose. Purpose... that's such a funny concept. As if it were some great Thing, your Accomplishment, your Magnum Opus. As if Living itself were lacking in purpose.

Living for Real. Not just in Theory.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I can truly see what you are going through. I think people have expectations of you and being a people pleaser doesn't help. How refresing to know that trusting in God will lead you to the person you want to be. We have to go through some difficult trials and tribulations to find that only God will lead us in the right direction! Wahooooo!