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Once upon a time, there was a Sweet Little Girl who lived in a foreign land, trapped in a castle that was not hers. No matter how much she smiled or laughed, the King and Queen of that horrid land were rarely amused. They declared her a nuisance. How were they to be bothered with her needs with so many more pressing, more important issues to deal with. They had a daughter cursed to die and another cursed to cry about the people in infomercials about acne. "Go away!" they would say. The Sweet Little Girl learned early to keep to herself and especially...
not to bother anyone.
She spent time visiting with the Fairy Godmother that sometimes lived at the castle, depending on the state of her marriage. Some days, the Sweet Little Girl could find comfort in sitting with the Fairy Godmother, listening to her stories and learning her old ways. But other times, the Fairy Godmother's blood sugar would be too low and she'd zap her with the wand or emit nasty criticism and other harsh shreaking-eel type noises. This scared the Little Girl very much... almost as much as carnies... but not quite as much as circus clowns.
So she made up an invisible life all her own.
She made up stories. And people. And all kinds of grand adventures. She began talking to herself in the mirror, describing these wonderful tales. This odd behavior did not amuse the King and Queen. AT. ALL. So as not to be embarrassed, they locked her in the tower. But she was good with a paper clip and locks and soon escaped. Once she jumped to the ground (single level tower), she ran as fast as her Sweet Little Legs could take her. Unfortunately, during her escape through the Wicked Forest, she ran into lots of Lions and Tigers and Bears. No carnies, though, thank goodness. Escaping from the wicked animals of the Wicked Forest was pretty tricky, and sometimes, she got scars when she tripped and fell. Some of those scars were ugly... and deep... and embarrassing.
After what seemed like a lifetime (but really only the first few chapters), she came upon much nicer digs.
She found the New Land of the Wise and Caring King. She knew that he was the Real King (not the phony baloney ones that locked her in the tower). She longed to petition this benevolent Lord to rid her of the deep scars that she had been hiding. The ones that wouldn't go away. Even the really embarrassing ones. But she feared bothering Him with her insignificant needs. After all, He had more important things to do. Feed the hungry. Clothe the naked. Solve our Universal Health Care issues...
Why would He want to help her?
Still, she wondered, "Could it be true what they say? Could He really take on my hurts and heal my scars??" She decided to step out in Faith. She asked if He could make the scars magically go away if she just volunteered enough. He said, "No, not a good idea." That wasn't at all the answer the Sweet Little Girl wanted to hear. He told her that she was forgiven. (Whew!) Next, she had to forgive others, after which she naturally replied, "You know... I kinda like these scars." But after a while, she thought, well that was stupid! So she began to forgive. The King and Queen that didn't know any better. The tempermental Fairy Godmother that didn't always take her meds. The Lions and Tigers and Bears.
And eventually, Herself.
And soon... the scars started to fade. Not completely. But you can barely see them anymore. Better than that, she began to live! She felt happier than she had ever felt before! She knew it wasn't always going to be a cake walk. But she also knew that whatever it was, she and the King could handle it... one hand tied behind her back, even!
The End. Oops! I mean...
The Beginning.
...
Saturday, July 12, 2008
A Dysfunctional Fairy Tale
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10 comments:
Hi Sugar - I found your post on BlogHer and came on over to say hi. Here's to a beautiful beginning in your very own Queendom! :)
Thank God for the Wise and Caring King. i wish there were more out there.
And I'm so glad you found your beginning.
very cool, c! i DID like it. you're so talented! keep it up.
I've read this through now three times and keep coming back to it. I see what you went through as a child, and the adult you have made yourself into. That amazes me and gives me hope.
One of my biggest heartaches at the moment is watching another young girl, beautiful, amazing, smart, funny, and laughable become yet another character in the Dysfunctional Fairy Tale that is her life. My brother, not the smartest alcoholic in the shed knocked up the most screwed up girl around (20 years old, has a 4 year old already) and they had a baby. Three months after the birth of the child their relationship came to an end. But now, I have the sweetest little niece (the one I photograph like mad on my blog) who has to deal with a dad who doesn't care much and a mother who is already pregnant again from her third attempt at getting a man to stay with her. She is already unhealthy from being fed chicken nuggest all day. She is already crying in corners instead of seeking out comfort from loving adults, she is already getting a temper and not understanding the world around her. I worry for so many things about her.
My parents try to be a big part of her life, despite the fact that her mother wants to be paid every time she lets us see her. And I , I simple want to beg to have her and raise her.
But, I keep telling myself that I will be there for her. That I will try and help her make sense out of this life she was dealt. That I will try and be a somewhat functional Fairy Godmother for her. Otherwise, I feel pretty helpless about the whole things.
Sorry to spill so much, but it's hard to see these same fairy tales play out around you in the lives of those you love, but cannot control.
Love it!! Embrace the teachers - but it is ultimately our decisions and perspective that allow the teachings in and that can lead to forgiveness. May each day be a new beginning!
BTW it was my dad I was talking about. My mom...well, we have all sorts of other issues. I'm like the Count of Monte Cristo...I never forget anything. I think my ability to live in a state of denial helps me get along with them, but I don't know that I'll ever be able to forgive them for having me grow up feeling so unloved and unwanted. Esp since to this day, they act like it was my fault and they did nothing wrong. My mom always says that my dad didn't know any better and that's why he treated me like he did, but I told her that's crap. I don't hit my kid or tell her how horrible and stupid she is all the time. Oh well. It is what it is. Thanks for sharing your story. Perhaps are crappy childhoods is what made us the totally kick ass moms we are today : )
The Wise and Caring King is not a man. Every time I've tried to put a man in that role, he has failed. We are human after all. I can't expect any one man to take care of what only God can...
Very good post! I have lived my own dysfunctional fairy tale and come out on the other side with a much better ending that also became a new beginning. One of the biggest keys was forgiveness...it really did set me free to live this new better life.
I am so glad that you found your way out of that old life. Thank you for sharing your history so that others may learn from it...and have hope that things can get better.
There are so many people that are now living or have lived this dyfunctional life. I fight to keep dysfunction out of my life and sometimes that means having to do really hard things, like not spending as much time with my family of origin. It also means raising my grandchildren so that they are protected from that same kind of life.
You survived through this dysfunction for a greater purpose...probally more than you realize today!
It's true. These lives of ours all have elements of dysfunction in them. They are all something that we live through, and if they don't break us, then somehow it seems to make us better? I don't know. I still wouldn't mind if my dysfunction came in the form of lots of money, a big house, too loving parents, and too many good things. I'd really like to see if I could still be as nice a person!
Thanks everyone for getting what I was trying to say here.
D': Yeah, I'll take on that Money-can't-buy-you-happiness myth ANY day! Bring IT!
Naomi: Damn Straight we are good moms!
Smiles: one can only hope that the greater purpose reveals itself and that I have the eyes to see it. Thanks.
Patty: Perspective... sometimes that's all we have, isn't it?
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