Monday, October 6, 2008

Football Widow

I used to love watching football. Every Sunday, I'd grab a handful of dollars and meet my friends at Patsy's in Huntington Beach for mimosas, greasy snacks, and mini-bets. It was always fun to get lost in the games with friends for a couple of hours. So you can imagine how excited my boyfriend was to hear that I loved watching football. "She's a keeper," he panted!

Fast forward to today.

Today, that doting boyfriend is my estranged husband. He is the reason I am now a long suffering and fully annoyed Football Widow. I suppose I could go watch the games with him, except that I don't really care for his football buddies. They're a bunch of boorish, annoying, space wasting bachelors who sit with a perpetual drink in their hands and watch six to ten hours of football. You know the type... the bartendars know their names and the current state of their financial woes as well as the latest lies. These guys? They actually had name plates on their bar stools. In between plays, they complain about everything that the world has done to them that week and debate politics (repeat everything Rush Limbaugh said like mindless drones) with bloodshot eyes. Yup. Those are the men my husband chooses over me three nights a week.

Great for the ego.

Every year, I cry at the hint of Pre-Season. I pray that this would be the year that we hook up with other families for parties and barbecues and fun, but I know that's probably not going to happen. I watch the calendar as, box by box, the real season gets closer. And then, like a plague of locusts, it arrives. It devours any sense of couple-dom that I might have with a man that is traveling half the month. And while I like to watch some games, I can't sit for endless hours in front of a TV. I enjoy watching games when they include my favorites: Steelers, Chargers, Raiders (God help me), and the Jets (Favre Fan). And I always check in on the teams I hate, too. Always fun to watch them go down! (I won't go into who they are right now... not looking to lose my three readers.) So you get that I'm not a football hater, right? I just hate being abandoned for three nights a week, seven months a year. But this isn't really about football. And you probably were already thinking that, weren't you?

And that just sucks.

I wish this was about football. I wish I could just laugh and jest about being a Football Widow. Honestly, I just like having a reason for being married and alone. The other five months of the year, I don't have an easy reason for being alone. Well, there's the traveling. Still, I hate to think that I'm being put second or third or fourth to beer, football, and losers. I guess my expectations are still far too high for this man. I mean, how dare I ask that he spend some time with us. That's just so controlling. And so is asking that he not drink so much. It's crazy the way I make him go home if he's slurring his words. I'm such a Witch, huh?

Did you know that there are lots of guys who don't make their wives Football Widows?

I know... hard to believe, right? Well, in my small group of acquaintances, football is watched at home with kids and some neighbors. People bring food and sit around together as the kids play in the next room or swim in the pool. Women gather around the kitchen to talk about the artichoke dip while the guys high five and cheer from the couch... and rave about the artichoke dip. I tend not to go to those parties because I used to feel stupid going while my husband was with his friends. "We should be together," I thought. We should be.

There I go with the damn shoulding again.

Naomi recently commented about how no wonder I was dating The Pilot again. That I was too busy to meet anybody else. I haven't been able to get that out of my head. It's not that I want to meet anybody else. But should I really be hanging on to The Pilot? Naomi's words haunted me in my quiet time. In between the endless list of things to do, places to go, people to help... I was filling my life. I had become so busy that I didn't have time to think. Typical avoidance behavior. I tend to do that. I know that... in my thinking head. But in my other head, the squishy one that's directly connected to the stupid side of my heart... that one was being fooled into thinking everything was getting better.

Leave it to a cool chick like Naomi to kick you in the hoo-hoo and make you face reality.

So I'm thinking this season is going to be different. This season, I'm going to enjoy my friends and their artichoke dips while my kids play or swim. And I'm not going to joke about being a football widow any more. This year, I'll just be a fan again.

Go Chargers!


D'Arcy said...

Oh Sugar, where to start.

Yeah, I get the being put second with men. It sucks. Yet I kept taking it because when we were together it was AMAZING and I forgot that he had completely ignored me for two weeks because we were together and I loved it.

It's still hard. I've put him out of my life for awhile, but I know, with a touch of the phone that I could bring him back in and then I wouldn't feel lonely.

But then I have this hope of something more. I have this hope and dream of a man who puts me before losers and beer and football. I have this dream of a man who thinks I am amazing and worth so much more than what I have let myself settle for.

Football Widow. Divorced. Spinter...all code for being alone and how to get by.

So, how you gonna get by Shoog? I want to know!

Naomi said...

First, mimosas and football? You crack me up. Second, I saw my name and thought...does she know another Naomi? Did I say that? Holy crap, I did! I ramble on so incessantly to you, that I can't keep track. Yeeesh. Thanks for calling me cool btw. Third, I just finished blowing up an inflatable loveseat, and I'm feeling lightheaded, so sorry if this is kinda incoherent.

Listen, chickadee. I say all this with love and you know that. I know too well the hoping that this time will be better feeling. I know that the crazy you know is better than the crazy you don't...that's why I kept going back to a couple of my ex's again and again. And again.

But you're hot! I bet if you got a sitter, grabbed a friend (I'm all for going out alone, but in this day and age, not so safe) and headed out to a Monday night football game at some hopping sports bar, you'd have no problem finding a group of nice, young, hard bodied boys who'd love to buy you drinks and hoot and holler at the screen with you.

But if you want to continue on with the dating the ex thing, I understand, but you've gotta accept that he is who he is (so trite, sorry) and go out and hang out with your friends and their families, let your kids play and just enjoy a moment of not planning out every second and just enjoy being a single girl...even if you're just kinda sorta single. Or stay home, teach your kids about football and cheer with them. You can even have them help you make mini pizzas and mimosas with perrier and pretend you're out.

You're not just some football widow. You're fabulous. You're strong. You're an amazing mom. You survived a marriage to a man that obviously doesn't realize how lucky he is that his smoking hot wife actually wants to watch the games with him. And that sucks, but if anyone can figure out a way to overcome this bump, it's you. Let that haunt you in your quiet times : )

I should've emailed you, this is so ridiculously long.

Mandy Gregory said...

I once saw a sign at a flea market that said "this marriage interrupted for football season". Thought it was cute. It's not cute anymore. 7 years in...I've tried everything. Pretended to like it, pretended to know what the heck was going on, hosted football parties, attended football parties. Enter our child - now nearly 4, he doesn't quite understand his father's transformation every Sunday. Yesterday, the world was ending because the Colts were losing. The vibe in my house was atrocious!

I tried to talk to my son about how it was Sunday and football was on, and that dad would be back to normal soon. The Colts turned it around and won - so the day got better! But the football stayed on....ARGH!

Finally, my son says - "when is the football going to be over?"
He's such a good kid!!!

I'm gonna start making plans every sunday that do not involve FOOTBALL :)

Denise said...

I LOVE football as well. And I think most men should love that you love football. If he chooses to hang with a bunch of losers every week instead of you, maybe you should find a "hot" group of guys to hang with, who want to hang with you and leave the losers to their vices. Might turn his head, or better yet, might make you realize you'd be better off with someone else! Just a thought...

Ann said...

Hmmm...relationships are so complicated. All I can say is, I hear you saying that stuff is missing for you - yet you're still torn. So, I guess the answer is tied up in the middle there.

I'm glad to hear at the end, though, that you basically said "I'm takin' care of me, in the meantime" - because that's what really counts, loving and taking care of YOU so the rest can follow.

Sara said...

I found you through the Twitter Mom's Blogging Mom's group. My blog is here:

I'm glad you are back to being a fan, I watch now and then.

smiles4u said...

We know that this isn't really about football. I think you are figuring out what is working for you and what isn't. Be true to yourself and continue searching for the truth and then take the steps needed. It is never easy being true to yourself and what your really feel inside. I think you are tired of playing second and third to this person that is suppose to be loving you and putting you first. There is nothing wrong with him loving football like he does but when it interferes in the relationship that is suppose to be so important to him then it's a problem...if he doesn't see that or care then that should speak volumms to you.

You deserve the very best...treat yourself the very best. Maybe the ex needs to see that and he can make his choice. When he chooses other things before you then he is making the choice to alianate you.

You have a choice too. You are an amazing woman and you deserve to be treated in such a way!

Steph said...

Oh, Sugar, I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry it's like this. :/

Anonymous said...

OMG, so relate to that except - it was rugby, we weren't married and I moved halfway across the world. I knew by then what I didn't want and decided to go for what I did - one of the things being someone who wld not make me a sports widow! I haven't found him yet but in the meantime I'm having a blast with my friends, and loving life and most importantly, loving myself :D Love comes to those who love themselves as well ... so good on you for the new take on life - its all about having fun, feeling good and being happy. Woohoo!!! xx Tia