Monday, April 28, 2008


It's hard to define yourself by an issue, and it's also quite unhealthy. But to admit that you struggle with something is the first step towards sanity. So many times I heard that kind of psycho-babble and rolled my eyes. I don't worry anymore about people rolling their eyes at me so much as I wonder if they, or you, are identifying.

The other day I read a story about a woman named Trina:

Trina just met the "man of her dreams" a few weeks ago. She invited him to stay with her when his girlfriend threw him out. She's so happy giving him what he needs domestically, financially, and sexually, especially when it's something the girlfriend wouldn't do. She loves knowing that she understands him better than anyone else. That is why she is going to surprise him by taking him out to dinner for his birthday and wear the kind of very revealing dress he really likes. Making him happy is what counts. She leaves work early to swing by his office and give him a ride so he won't have to take the bus. She's thinking about placing an ad to give away her precious Siamese because he has hinted that he doesn't like cats.

By the end of the passage, I was supposed to feel like this Trina woman was nuts, I think. But I just looked up and thought, well now, Trina sounds like a really nice person. I don't see anything wrong with what I just read.

Oh boy...

I laughed out loud about it later because I know better now. I don't see that behavior as loving anymore, but as captive. I don't see Trina's boyfriend as a nice guy down on his luck who just needs a little tenderness. I see him as a pariah. That's right... a soul sucking, blood thirsty, loser... okay... maybe it's not all his fault.

Of course it's not!

Trina is active in her victimhood. She allows her boyfriend to walk all over her. She does this out of a misguided idea of love and need for acceptance. So have you ever been Trina before?

Chances are, if you are a female, you might have.


1 comment:

Naomi said...

good God, i don't have enough fingers, toes, time or patience to count the number of women (and men) I know just like that. yeeeesh.