The List

Everyone has one... stashed away in an old box from college, or posted on an anonymous site. I'm talking about a list of things to do before we (dare I say?)... die.

I saw a great list on Confessions of a Perfectionist (go check her out!). Then, last night, I watched a movie trailer for The Bucket List with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. And currently, I'm devouring Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. All around are messages to follow your heart and do the things you've always wanted to do. Got it. So what's the problem? It's not that I can't make a list. I make them ALL the time! It's just that whole checking-it-off thing. Again: What's the problem??? Mostly, I don't want to make those close to me uncomfortable.

What a CoDependent!

The list is filled with stuff that people will probably find odd or too random. It involves travelling alone, writing about family secrets, and mid-life tattoos. Since my new qualifier is "What does CINTHYA want," I thought I'd commit myself to my List. For a career codependent, that's a big deal. The list isn't very long, but it is deep.

The first is a bit boring on the outside. Travelling, hiking, biking the ancient trail used by Indians, Spaniards and traders that winds through the Southwest between Albequerque and LA, The Old Spanish Trail. It’s the route taken by my great-grands many years ago. I discovered it on my last trip to Santa Fe. Little is written about it, though there is an Old Spanish Trail Society. Unfortunately, it has no members or interest of membership anywhere near me. The most recent books published on it came out in 1961. I’ll have some research to do, but I’d prefer to do it on site. An artist friend of mine recently moved to one of the trading posts. Durango, Colorado. I'll hopefully be making a stop there while I'm in Albequerque this holiday season. It's out of the way, and there will be lots of reasons for skipping the trip, but I really want to. I also plan to hike and bike (and photograph) another stop on the trail, Moab, Utah this spring.

Traditions have long ceased in my family. It's sad to have little to hold on to in that arena. Sometimes, I feel like a sail without a boat. I guess I'm hoping to find some of my history for myself and to pass on to my kids so that their hearts don't ache with the same, cold void. I'm freaked and excited to see what this exploration brings about, both in spirit and mind. I'm also wondering if I have the guts to do it... to follow my heart for something I want that has no point other than for my own happiness.

Like I said, for a Co-De... that is a really big deal.