Damn Questions...

The first day of being co-host at The Classy Closet radio show, Jen asked me some questions so that the regular listeners could get to know me. Sure... why not?

"What was the scariest moment in your life?"

The first and only thing that popped into my head... the one moment that I was so afraid and so panic stricken... the moment that I wake up thinking about more than I care to admit was the day that my estranged daughter walked out of the house as a toddler. She quietly woke up from a nap, and since I was busy doing silly busy work, I hadn't noticed that she had managed to reach and open the front door. When I went to wake her and saw that she was gone... Oh God... I can't describe the tight wrenching feeling in my stomach. I remember the sensation of having tunnel vision... adrenaline? blood rushing and pulsing in survival mode? I don't know, but I couldn't feel myself walking, either, and could barely hear my own voice yelling her name.

That was thirteen... maybe fourteen years ago. It's all so horribly vivid to me. Like a nightmare I can't wake up from. It scares me to this day to think of what could have happened. Then I wonder what was going through her head. Was she looking for me? Was she scared? When we found her across the street in another neighborhood playing with ducks, I was so relieved. I couldn't stop hugging her... soaking her with my tears. Nothing has ever been so scary to me.

At least it ended well that day.

Still, here I am... wondering if this will end well. Wondering when or if I'll ever see her again. When will it be okay to just have lunch together and chat. I feel that tight wrenching in my stomach when I think of the ugly words we've yelled at each other or even further back when I could've been around more... listened more... anything more... I would do anything to change it... all of it...

That's probably why that day so many years ago was the only scary moment I could recall. Maybe because I relive that awful morning every day that we don't speak. Where is she? Where is my daughter? I picture myself running to the neighbors panicking... trying to explain that she's gone... help me, please... I can't find her... and the look on their faces... the judgment... tisk tisk, now you've done it... No, I will never forget that day.

But this... this separation without end... this just might be scarier.

Querying the Query Letter Lady

Today's Make It Happen Mama is Wendy Burt-Thomas. She is a full-time freelance writer, editor and copywriter with more than 1,000 published pieces. Her third book, "The Writer's Digest Guide to Query Letters" hit stores December 2008.

1. Can you tell us about your book?

The book was a great fit for me because I'd been teaching "Breaking Into Freelance Writing" for about eight years. In the workshop, I covered a lot of what is in this book: writing query letters to get articles in magazines, to land an agent, or to get a book deal with a publisher. Since I'm a full-time freelance magazine writer and editor with two previous books, this was incredibly fun to write because it didn't require tons of research. I was lucky enough to receive lots of great sample query letters from writers and authors that I use as "good" examples in the book. I wrote all the "bad" examples myself because I didn't dare ask for contributions that I knew I'd be ripping apart!

In addition to the ins and outs of what makes a good query, the book covers things like why (or why not) to get an agent, where to find one and how to choose one; writing a synopsis or proposal; selling different rights to your work; other forms of correspondence; and what editors and agents look for in new writers.

It was really important to me that the book not be a dry, boring reference book, but rather an entertaining read (while still being chock full of information). I was thrilled that Writer's Digest let me keep all the humor.

2. Why are query letters so important?

Breaking into the publishing world is hard enough right now. Unless you have a serious "in" of some kind, you really need a great query letter to impress an agent or acquisitions editor. Essentially, your query letter is your first impression. If they like your idea (and voice and writing style and background), they'll either request a proposal, sample chapters, or the entire manuscript. If they don't like your query letter, you've got to pitch it to another agency/publisher. Unlike a manuscript, which can be edited or reworked if an editor thinks it has promise, you only get one shot with your query. If it's not fabulous, don't send it until it is.

3. You're also a magazine editor. What is your biggest gripe regarding queries?

Queries that show that the writer obviously hasn't read our publication. I'll admit that I did this when I was a new writer too – submitted blindly to any publication whose name sounded even remotely related to my topic.

4. There's an entire chapter in the book about agents. Do you think all new writers should get agents?

Probably 99% of new writers should get an agent. There are lots of reasons, but my top three are: 1) Many of the larger publishing houses won't even look at unagented submissions now; 2) Agents can negotiate better rights and more money on your behalf; 3) Agents know the industry trends, changes and staff better than you ever could.

5. You've been a mentor, coach, or editor for many writers. What do you think is the most common reason that good writers don't get published?

Poor marketing skills. I see so many writers that are either too afraid, too uniformed, or frankly, too lazy to market their work. They think their job is done when the write "the end" but writing is only half of the process. I've always told people who took my class that there are tons of great writers in the world who will never get published. I'd rather be a good writer who eats lobster than a great writer who eats hot dogs.

6. What must-read books do you recommend to new writers?

Christina Katz (author of "Writer Mama") has a new book out called "Get Known Before the Book Deal" - which is fabulous. Also, Stephen King's "On Writing" and David Morrell's "Lessons from a Lifetime of Writing." Anything by Anne Lamott or my Dad, Steve Burt.

7. What did you enjoy most about writing this book?

Writing the "bad" query letters. I've read – and written! – so many horrible ones over the years that it was a little too easy to craft them. But misery loves company and we ALL love to read really bad query letters, right?

To learn more about Wendy or her three books, visit www.GuideToQueryLetters.com. If you have a writing-related question, you can post it below.

Seven Things I Learned This Week...

Blame it on the moon... this was a crazy busy week. It wasn't too busy to enjoy learning a thing or two.

• Whatever time I think I should get up is probably a half hour later than I really should get up.
• 12 Seconds can be excruciatingly long... or way too short. Definitely too short to spell your name in refrigerator magnets.
• Half an hour is not nearly enough time to cover stupidity in government bureaucracies... which is why The Classy Closet had a special hour long show today.
• Winning isn't everything, but that doesn't stop you from wanting to win.
• A torso can be bought and sold to offset the cost of a really cool conference.
• The Hoff still makes me giggle like a school girl. The Pilot, however, was not as impressed when he flew Mr. Hoff and crew to Vegas last week. Jealous...
• Complaining about the heat from the Santa Ana Winds is not cool when other parts of the country are experiencing record cold. Sorry.

Don't forget that Living-InTheory.com will be moving to SugarJones.tv soon!

Fabulous Rooms - Fabulous Giveaway

In the sea of people claiming to be design experts, a few names stand out. One designer, in particular, is Thom Filicia of Queer Eye and Dress My Nest fame. He’s the real deal.

And he is Faaabuluuuuussss!!!

I was privileged to be invited to a special Press Teleconference along with 24 other bloggers and tweeters. We were treated to one-on-one time with Thom (well… at least one-on-twenty-five) where he told us all about his fabulous new book and his even fabulous-er Room A Day Giveaway.

The giveaway was unveiled on The View at the same time of the big room redo reveal. The only word I can use for The View’s green rooms and rehearsal hall pre-revamp is… DREARY! My God, you would think they had the coolest places for their guests to kick up their feet before chatting with the ladies. Nope! See for yourself:

When I am an old woman, that better not be what my designated institutional facility looks like (you got that kids?)!!! I would much rather end up in this fantabulously gorgeous set up:

For the green rooms, Mr. Filicia incorporated the name of the show as the overall theme for their redesigns. Each room now has a “view” of New York landmarks while still maintaining their necessary functionality. The rehearsal hall presented a different challenge. While the goal of the redo was to make the area more comfortable and stylish, it still had to function as a place for the ladies to run through their shows. The furnishing were made in a way that allows for ease of moving when the space is needed.

I can hardly believe that was all done in ONE WEEK!

In his new design book, Thom Filicia Style, Mr. Filicia talks about his style philosophy, which is basically that everyone’s home should tell their story. It should not only be functional but unique and authentic to the family within those walls. He further went on to say that big or small, a home’s design should be lifestyle and personality driven. Here are some tips for bringing your personal aesthetic to life in your home:

• Don’t be afraid to mix Timeless and Timely – By mixing your classics with newer pieces, you build an eclectic look that is all about you and your personal style.
• Color your world – Draw from fashion to decorate your home with textures, colors, and accessories.
• Decorate outside the Box – Mix light and dark woods. Hang a traditional lantern next to a modern chair. Be mindful of the overall look, but have fun with it!
• Well read – Incorporating your books into your rooms adds a beautiful layer and interesting texture while making your favorite reads handy for lending.
• Personalize – with framed candids, favorite items, whatever gives your home a soul. When people walk in, they should know this is your home.

“But I have kids…”

Many of the bloggers being busy moms had questions about keeping a home stylish while battling the power of clutter and Lego’s. The ever fabulous Thom Filicia had some great suggestions:

• Use bolder colors in designing rooms.
• Use storage cubbies a’la Kindergarten rooms
• Make clean up a family responsibility
• Designate areas and rooms for play

I bet you’re wondering how you can get your hands on my copy of Thom Filicia Style… well, here’s my little reveal. Join me in the chat room during The Classy Closet Radio Show where we’ll put up a keyword each day. If you missed today’s show, you can listen to the recorded show. Jen accidentally said it… woopsy! To win, you’ll have to be the first to call in to the show on Friday (when we say GO, of course!) with all four keywords. You’ll also have to give us a Truth or Dare. I’ll probably “reveal” a truth before I take a dare, though, but well see.

Oh my gosh, I almost forgot the best part!!

Thom Filicia has partnered with Kimberly-Clark and The View to offer SIXTEEN lucky lucky people a $25,000 room redo… EACH!! So if you would love for Mr. Filicia to come dress your nest, enter before March 6, 2009 for your chance to win!

Alright then… good luck!

…

The Book: http://www.thomfiliciastyle.com/

The Man: http://www.thomfilicia.com/

The Giveaway: http://www.roomadaygiveaway.com/

Joy and Thom on OK! http://www.okmagazine.com/pixandvids/gallery/11096/9

Pre-reveal photos courtesy of ABC/Donna Svennevik; post reveal photos courtesy of ABC/Steve Fenn

Technorati Tags: Kimberly-Clark,Room a day,giveaway,Thom Filicia,Style,design,The View

Indulge Yourself

I'm happy to introduce you all to this week's Making It Happen Mama, Kelli Parisian of Pure Indulgence, a product line that turns five next month. Kelli believes in connecting with clients and giving value for every dollar spent. Her business is built on integrity, not hype. She saw a need in her industry and filled it. And by filling that need and following a dream, she created her skin care line. Here's her story... AND a chance to win some of her fabulous products:

Hello! I'm Kelli Parisian, a 53 year old Single Christian woman and the Mom of two beautiful daughters Brianna and Brittany. Aside from business and family, my other "passion" is gourmet cooking & entertaining. I consider myself to be a Foodie. Parisian's Pure Indulgence. Inc. consists of myself, my daughter Brittany, my assistant Ariel, and Aesthetician Tiffany. Brittany is just beginning an Aesthetician program this month. My hope is that one day she'll take over the reigns of my company. But not any time soon...

I started in the beauty business as a manicurist specializing in natural nails twenty nine years ago. I saw the need to create something more for my clients... more of a Spa Manicure experience. I soon realized I couldn't create the luxurious experience I desired with the limited products offered to manicurists. That's when began a six month journey of researching every scrub, creme, lotion, & body oil out there. I wanted to see what made them special and began a quest to understand ingredient labels. What I found was synthetics, fillers, alcohols, harsh preservatives, and high levels of fragrances in the majority of products available. I wanted to do something different. I dreamed of formulating a product that would be effective, yet pure and safe for those of us with sensitive skin. Above all, I wanted my clients to have a luxurious experience.

So, at age 48, with my understanding of how ingredients work together (gourmet cooking background, remember?), I formulated and whipped up a sugar scrub, called Sugared Butter Whip. I took it into the salon to use on my clients. The response from my clients was incredible! I whipped up 40 containers hoping to sell them all during the holidays. Well, I ended up selling an additional 200 containers in one month! Parisian's Pure Indulgence was born. My daughters and I spent endless hours labeling containers and packaging scrubs as holiday gifts every night that December. After that success, I formulated two other body products. Soon, I was being asked about facial care products because my clients were demanding the same purity for their face. At that point, I aligned myself with an incredible natural skin care formulator and together, we have expanded my line to nearly 40 products!

The challenges in the first couple of years were to educate myself in all area's of business, from legalities (incorporating, insurance, trademarks), web sites, accounting, and marketing. I made a few mistakes along the way, but learned from them. Another challenge I still have is balancing business and personal life. I'm still working on that...

Because I'm very comfortable in the Salon/Spa setting, speaking with Salon owners has been easy for me and today Parisian's Pure Indulgence products are found in a number of high end salons and spas. Our web business continues to grow as well, but one of my most cherished business values is staying connected to my customers. I enjoy being a "boutique" skin care company. It allows me to have a personal relationship with the men and women that are benefiting from our products.

My advice to other women beginning a business is to find a mentor, and take things slowly. Educate yourself in every aspect of business. Remember there is a big difference between cash flow and profit. Keep that in mind when pricing your product, no matter what it is. Do what you're passionate about and don't compromise integrity. Also, I truly believe in giving first. A core personal value of mine is to give of myself, to help others any way I can. I consider it a privilege.

Parisian Pure Indulgence is pleased to participate in Sugar's Making It Happen Mama Monday. As a gift to one of her lucky readers, we are offering the opportunity to win a Pink Eco-Friendly Tote filled with of over $200.00 worth of facial care and body care treatments. All you have to do is sign up for our newsletter at Parisian Pure Indulgence. You'll receive tips and discounts from Pure Indulgence, and of course, a chance to win! The winner will be announced on Wednesday in the comments of this post.

Enjoy Indulging!


Kelli and her girls: